I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
