Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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