So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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