a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
