I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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