I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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