GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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