theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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