i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
