it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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