somebody snuck up and got me drunk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
