Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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