I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
