You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
