Kiss
Puke
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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