im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
