You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
