It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
