I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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