dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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