it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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