I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize