Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
