I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
