forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize