I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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