Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
