last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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