Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
