If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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