See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
