Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
