As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
