we have pet lesbian snakes
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I still have a little drunk in my system
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
