So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
