i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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