I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
