when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I need to stop coming to work sober
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
