I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
