If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
