I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize