My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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