I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i already hear my dad disowning me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize