i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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