From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
