Your tits are I can't wait for
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
