Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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