PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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