Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
