how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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