Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize