my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
