He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
