Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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