you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
