Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
