loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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