Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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