Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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