Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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