I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
