I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
