can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
